First and foremost let me say, all things that are good and wonderful come from God. I am in awe of Him and the miracles He performs and today we get to be the recipients of His amazing works. In the book of Mark we are taught how the Pharisees and others watched Jesus perform miracles and they still wouldn't believe that he was the Messiah. They denied him his honor even when they had concrete proof right in front of their faces. They persecuted him and criticized his every move. However, that didn't stop Him from continuing his ministry. He kept performing miracles for those who believed and trusted in Him to reward their faith. He knew what that would do though, it would cost Him his life but he fulfilled God's plan anyway so that you and I could live and have everlasting life.

Now behold one of Jesus' miracles in modern day... Today I went to an appointment with my perinatal doctor. The purpose of this appointment was to get pictures for our Riley appointment with our cleft team on the 28th. I can happily say that we are able to cancel that appointment because our son's diagnoses as having a cleft has been retracted. Yes, our son has a misdiagnosed cleft palate and lip and he no longer is believed to have anything on his face or his palate affected by a cleft. The whole fact that we will not have to put our 10 week baby through any surgeries or that I will be able to nurse him like I have longed to since I found out I was pregnant is shocking enough. But then you put the story into perspective and you get to see God's amazing power to change "the ruling on the field" as our pastor at Grace Community calls it. Two ultrasound techs and three highly trained doctors who thought they had it right are now shaking their heads wondering what happened. I know there are several of you thinking there has to be a medical reason why this has happened and I could give you one but I can't explain why that many trained professionals could possibly get it wrong. This is simply and truly God showing off, remember all good things come from Him and Him alone. Simply in awe.

I'm not sure how to even begin this post because it's probably the most important post someone searching for information will read... bare with me, I'm going to walk you through this step very thoroughly and it will be very detailed. Expect a book. This was "The Big One" for me.

In our Last Post we talked about first finding out that there was a possibility our son was going to have a cleft palate and/or lip. Our next step was to have a level 2 ultrasound with Maternal Fetal Medicine, which we completed yesterday. I was very nervous about this appointment. I had reacted so emotional at our last appointment, I didn't know how I would feel going into this one. Our appointment was in the morning and its really hard for my husband to take off work so I asked my mother in law to attend the appointment with me. I truly believe God puts the right people in your life at the right time and there was no better time for this wonderful woman to be by my side.

We arrived at Memorial Maternal Fetal Medicine and immediately we were greeted by a super nice receptionist. Seriously, I want to just go back there to see her smile and experience her insanely polite and professional demeanor. One day, when this is done, I am sending a thank you card just to her! She calmed me down. I knew we were at the right place. The nurse took me back to do the dreaded weight check and blood pressure. I say dreaded to both because I hate seeing the scale go up and I ALWAYS have to do blood pressure twice because I talk or cross my legs. After finishing vitals, we went back to ultrasound right away.

The ultrasound tech was extremely nice. She got me all comfy and started the process. Let's just say within a few minutes I saw what they were looking for. No one had to tell me. I had already scoured the Internet looking at 2D and 3D ultrasound pictures. I turned to my mother in law and said, "I saw it." The doctor I was seeing hadn't come in yet, so Dr. Donald came in to check in on what was happening with the ultrasound. He asked what the ultrasound tech thought and she responded, "Perhaps." He stayed and watched her look at the face with 2d and she tried for 3d as well. He pointed out a space in the middle of the face that looked like a long crack. Yep, that was what was so prominent to me before they ever said anything. It was confirmed, I was officially entering into the world of being a cleft mama. I felt the badge being stitched on my heart in that very moment.

I think my head was clear and I handled it well. I went into mama mode and asked plenty of questions. Some of them that couldn't be answered and others they answered right away. One big question was, what is an amniotic band? When we were at our OB appointment they thought they saw one along with the cleft. Fortunately, I never looked that up because his description was rather gruesome but informative and gave me something to praise God that my baby didn't have to face. I was lucky right then and there. Now, let me say that our OB wasn't quite as worried about it but what they saw was actually tissue left over from a scary Subchorionic Hemmorage (SCH) I had experienced at 11 weeks pregnant. Dr. Stiver came in eventually and they talked very straight forward about the cleft and said they would want us to go to Riley Hospital for Children and he would coordinate the visit. I knew that going to Riley meant meeting with the team that would be responsible for our child's surgeries and recovery, this is where our journey would begin.

They weren't able to get many pictures of his lip, it appeared small but they couldn't get an actual picture so the ultrasound tech spent some time trying to do that with the 3D scan. However, my son is active and uncooperative and didn't want his picture taken. I wonder if this is a foreshadow to how he will be when he's actually here?!She eventually moved onto the anatomy scan, very similar to the one I had when they first detected the possible cleft. His heart, kidneys, brain, stomach, fingers, toes and jaw were all perfect. Which is a big thing from what I have read, since there are some syndromes that can be associated with a cleft affected baby. However, most generally the cleft is isolated. I didn't look into the syndromes very closely because I was already in fear so we just prayed nothing else was going to be wrong. I had faith they wouldn't find anything on this scan because nothing seemed to be wrong with him on the last one at our OB office. Little Man even gave me a thumbs up, literally. I took that as, "everything is alright mom, don't worry." Thanks little man for that gesture. Made me smile and focus on the important stuff.



Dr. Stiver came in one more time to talk about referring us to Riley and to ensure us that everything would be okay. He wanted to schedule me again after Riley to make sure everyone was on the same page and we were sent off to do our scheduling. Heather, one of the nurses, sat down with us to talk about scheduling our appointment at Riley's. She would be the one coordinating with the staff there. She took down our information and gave us the prints of ultrasound that showed the affected palate. She called later on to confirm our appointment in October. Easy peasy, right?

Having my mother in law with me was the best choice I made. I was able to let my emotions out and talk with her. She was able to put things into perspective for me and was a definite sounding board. My chest was tight with sadness and fear but I knew we had support and I knew God would carry us through. My mother in law told me of a couple with a baby that was going to start some surgeries down at Riley for Cranialfacial abnormalities. They were in our local paper the day before so I took a look and realized although our challenges were great, they were facing something much more. If they could be strong, we could too!

It honestly wasn't the cleft that I feared, it was other people's reactions. I only know one person that has a child with a cleft lip/palate. Miss Lily was adopted from China by my cousin Jody and her husband Rob. Although it sounds the same, it's not. Every cleft journey is different. But Jody had ensured me I was the lucky one because we get to start right after birth which gave us a greater chance at a full recovery. Even with all of the reassurance I was receiving it was just hard for me to share that my baby boy was going to be imperfect. I didn't want pity and I wasn't prepared for a ton of questions. We received so much negative reaction from Summer's skin issues that I didn't want to experience that again. Then again, God places the right people in your life at the right time, I called my friend Jaime to tell her the news and to shorten that conversation just a bit, she basically said its my story and I can tell it the way I want. So I didn't.


My husband and I originally agreed that I would text him what was going on right away so he knew, but I couldn't bring myself to give him news like that through a text message. So, he had to find out via a phone call. Let me just say, I have the most level headed, calm husband ever. He let me know he was worried about sending our son through surgery and he was sad that we were losing the "perfect child" fantasy, but other than that, he was okay. He was being my rock. I know it sounds vain and selfish but no parent goes into a pregnancy willing to take on a child that has to face obstacles. We all have dreams and aspirations for our children and when that changes in an instant, emotions flood and you have to grieve a lot of things. Already being parents of a child that has had to suffer from atopic dermatitis, allergies and seasonal asthma we know what it is like to see our child in pain. We never would wish that for another child, but we still needed to decide how to deal with this together because how we dealt with it would be a testimony of our faith in God. I wasn't so sure I was on the same page as my own husband but I knew God would get me there, I just needed faith....